Maybe you are washing more than is needed. Because African Americans do not create their own oils in their hair we are required to use hairdresses, greases, and oil products. I feel that you may be washing most of the oils out which could be drying out your hair. If you hair is naturally wavy or curly you can also wear your hair that way. Don't get a blow out too often and if your hair doesn't really need to be relaxed I'd recommend waiting a little bit longer. Professional chemicals are really strong. I sometimes just use an at home relaxer, no lye. Too all that heat can be really damaging. I see you are adamant about that but you don't have to be. I skip around sometimes my self and I still have a healthy head of hair, though its short, but by choice. And if you are wearing your hair loose during the day try using a moisturizing product that will protect it from the sun and be sure to wrap it with like Pink oil at night. Also try Doo-Grow products. They work wonders and Mane-n-Tail. Though Mane-n-Tail strips some of the hairs natural moisturizers, it will maybe replenish some hair loss. Be sure to condition. Hope this helps a bit. I understand how you feel. I freak out when I start combing too many strands out.